Music Snob Test

Hi! And welcome to Uncle E’s annual “Are You a Music Snob?” test. I’ll be using advanced logic and some gut-wrenching questions to determine if you are, indeed, a true music snob of the first order. And just because you know the third drummer from Steely Dan doesn’t necessarily make you a music snob. It makes you a bit of an obsessive freakazoid, but hey…that’s your demon to work out. Some stone-cold facts before we get started. A music snob will always tell you they’re a music snob; music snobs hate ‘greatest hits packages’; music snobs will always pick the least likely album of an artists discography as their favorite (Hot Space vs. Queen II, for example).

Do you think being overtly opinionated about a lousy band, in a public place, to one of said band’s fans, is:

a) Hostile and uncalled for?
b) Just publicly displaying your passion for good music; nothing at all wrong with that!
c) Just like an intervention between a drug addict and their loved ones. In other words, you feel you’re saving them from a life of ridicule and shame with some tough love.
d) The f*^king ONLY course of action when being confronted with someone who is that f*^king delusional.

When you first bought your ipod, you:

a) Quickly downloaded all of your music to the library in one, 42 hour marathon.
b) What the hell’s an ipod? Vinyl, reel-to-reel or micro cassettes all the way, baby!

When asked what your taste in music is, you reply:

a) “My tastes are so insanely varied you wouldn’t understand.”
b) “I only listen to English bands.”
c) “Nothing YOU’VE heard of, pinhead!”
d) “Anything Pitchfork.com recommends. Duh.”

You’re in the music magazine section at Borders. Which magazine do you purchase?

a) Rolling Stone.
b) Spin
c) Classic Rock
d) MOJO
e) Q
f) Hustler…because music critics are faceless dolts who don’t know what the hell they’re talking about!

Who’s your favorite dead rock star?

a) Elvis Presley
b) Keith Moon
c) Sid Vicious
d) Ian Curtis
e) Jim Morrison
f) Rob Pilatus from Milli Vanilli

The 1980’s were…:

a) A fantastic decade for pop music.
b) A terrible decade for pop music.
c) “Take On Me” by A-Ha freakin’ MADE that decade!

Ok…Last one….Am I a pretentious bastard?

a) Yes, and you shall die like the pig you are!
b) No, you are just misunderstood. Aren’t we all?

BONUS QUESTIONS!!!

You’re out with some friends and this new guy tags along. Y’all start talking about bands and such, and when asked about them he nervously says “Oh yeah, I love them too. I have all their albums.” Except the band you were just talking about only has one. What do you do?

a) Calmly explain the facts with a real empathy and understanding of his lack of knowledge.
b) Smack him across the forehead with a jewel case?
c) Open the door and toss him out at 40 miles an hour?

If you bothered to read this post and went as far as to answer the above questions in you head, then you are a true music snob. People are so f*%king apathetic these days, about everything, but especially about music. Pat yourself on the back, because at least you have PASSION!

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