Welcome, my friends, to the show that never ends
“The greatest trick the Devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn’t exist.”
Abandon all hope, ye who enter here.
My sincere apologies to all who visit this blog with the hopes of finding a serious discussion on music, ’cause it ain’t gonna happen.
Really, I mean it.
I can picture you now, all curled up in your bunny slippers and/ or prosthetic Vulcan ears, fingertips raw and bleeding from too many World Of Warcraft marathons and/or Facebook “pokings”, searching valiantly for an honest-to-goodness mature discussion board on your favorite band or artist.
In good faith and the best of intentions you conduct a google search with phrases like “Steve Perry is the coolest”, or “Mr. Roboto RULES”, truly believing you’d find a kindred spirit or two to share your passions. Therein lies the painful rub in regards to organic search results, my friends.
Alas. I’m afraid you’ve come to this place in vain only to find a bitter music snob who will do nothing more than mock and ridicule your musical icons and heroes. Sometimes.
But wipe away those tears with your cheese doodled fingers you lovers of all things maudlin and saccharin for you have reason to rejoice! Uncle E and his thousands of employees here at the Nightmare share your passion for all things cheese. Oh yes, It’s true! I have heard tell that good old Uncle E slips on a Supertramp album from time to time. I have heard that he catalogues his beloved Queen collection and one witness has reported that they have heard him spin ELO’s Out Of The Blue on occasion. Being born in 1968 means that E conducted his musical apprenticeship during the 70’s and 80’s. And, as the man says, people during that time were so thirsty for great music they crawled through the musical desert toward a mirage disguised as rock and roll, and when they discovered there was no water, they drank the sand, if you catch my drift. Your Uncle E was not immune to this. Two older cousins corrupted him early on by submitting him to Elton John’s Captain Fantastic and the Brown Dirt Cowboy, KISS and, finally, The Beatles and The Who.
It wasn’t until about 1981 or so, when he was 13, that Uncle E bought his very first albums with his very own money, earned by mowing lawns and picking zucchini at local farms. John Lennon’s Double Fantasy, AC/DC’s Back In Black and The Rolling Stones Tattoo You. The beginnings of a wonderful lifelong disease, he would say.
From there it escalated to massive musical experimentation and rebellion. Punk rock entered his life, and for a while that was all he listened to. The first wave of British and American punk came first, with the Sex Pistols, The Damned, The Ramones and The Clash leading the way. This begat the DK’s, Black Flag, Angry Samoans, and numerous other so-called “hardcore” bands. He learned to slam dance at many local gigs and even participated in a mini riot at a Toronto Clash concert.
But he never sold his Queen or Rush albums.
After that, during college and beyond, he was heavily influenced by those baggy Madchester bands, and even got carried away by the sonic pleasures of electronica and acid house. A few bands had the staying power and remain in his collection to this day, but most were sold to used cd stores for cigarette money.
A period of half a decade went by where E invested little to no money or thought into music. You know, starting a family and getting serious about an actual career really got in the way of his musical education. Indeed, it was a very sad and terrible time.
He met a strange and very bitter cartoonist who introduced him to artists such as Bob Dylan, Nick Cave and Nick Lowe. His collection was getting more eclectic by the second in those days.
How can one with such scattered tastes have the tenacity to create and maintain a blog for almost three years? Who the eff knows? But, if you’re here for the first time you will soon discover one, irrefutable fact about Uncle E: he is one goofy bastard. I guess you could also surmise that he really has a passion for all kinds of music, regardless of trend or genre.
We here at the Nightmare are thankful this Thanksgiving for all of the fine friends we’ve made over the years who share our particular and peculiar passion, particularly those folks over there on the right rail who maintain their blogs with a passion and skill that far exceeds Uncle E’s amateurish prose.
You are welcome here anytime my little lost lambs. Come back as often as you’d like. We’ll be your shelter.
And, on a side note, if you’re feeling a little goofy/cheeky this holiday season I would encourage you to go through the McDonald’s drive through and order a Mick Fleetwood with large fries.