Pickin’ On Pitchfork

Pitchfork. Safe haven to Cheetos stained fingertips and pilonidal cysts. The place all rock snob music critics go to die. The music site that usually abandons all logic (and melody, for that matter) when compiling their “best of” lists. These snobby guys and gals pray (prey?) at the alter of ubber-alternative noiseniks such as Sonic Youth, Tortoise and Animal Colective and pretty much ignore the fact that an alternative band can, sometimes, be poppy and still retain their cred and influence.

However sometimes…sometimes, these guys can get it right. Rating Nick Lowe’s “Jesus Of Cool”  a 9.3, O.M.D.’s underrated “Dazzle Ships” an 8.4 (should’ve been a little bit higher) is just enough to keep me interersted, keep me coming back. But I still get pissed, but not pissed enough not to realize that getting pissed off is actually half the fun! This post will start a series in which I rate the raters choices if for no other reason than to simply amuse myself. Let’s start with Pitchfork’s album choices for “The Best Of The 00’s):

010: The Streets
Original Pirate Material
[Vice; 2002]

These guys (really, just a dude by the name of Mike Skinner) were a phenomenon in their native England, but I never really understood why. White English guys rapping (other than the mighty Stereo MC’s) usually evoked more laughter than reverence, and this is no exception. E SAYS: “NOT EVEN CLOSE!”

009: Animal Collective
Sung Tongs
[FatCat; 2004]

Yet another band that sounds like they’re trying extremely hard to sound alternative. Their much heralded “Merryweather Post Pavillian” remains one of the most overrated albums of all time. E SAYS: “FEH”

008: The White Stripes
White Blood Cells
[V2; 2001]

Ok, so I actually like these guys, and truly believe Jack White is a fantastic talent. But #8? Nahhhh.

E SAYS: “Good, but not THAT good. Maybe somewhere in the high 80’s…”

007: Modest Mouse
The Moon & Antarctica
[Sony; 2000]

I get what this band is trying to do: connect with their inner goth without actually being goth. Which is ok, I guess, just not my cup of tea. E’S RESULT: “Not even in my top 200, and the blatant rip off of the Replacement’s “Pleased To Meet Me” on the cover really pisses me off!” E SAYS: “NO INTEREST TO DELVE ANY DEEPER.”

006: Sigur Rós
Ágætis Byrjun
[Smekkleysa; 2000]

Are these guys from Iceland or Sweden? Can’t really say much about this ’cause although I’ve heard about them for some time I’ve never really delved into their catalogue. And, unlike the folks over at Pitchfork, I actually feel the need to listen to an album before commenting. E SAYS: “?”

005: The Avalanches
Since I Left You
[Modular; 2000]

Ah, finally! The perfect mix tape and the most successful “mash up” of all time. This is brilliant stuff, folks! E SAYS: “Maybe not #5, but definitely in the top 10″.”

004: OutKast
[LaFace; 2000]

Never felt that any rap artist or group could ever better the mighty Public Enemy, so bands like this don’t matter to me. I don’t have any need to go here. E SAYS: “?”

003: Interpol
Turn on the Bright Lights
[Matador; 2002]

This band is actually pretty decent, but sounds a little too much like the beloved Joy Division. That makes it difficult for me to accept any of their original ideas, if they have any. E SAYS: “I THINK I’LL PULL OUT MY WELL WORN COPY OF “UNKNOWN PLEASURES INSTEAD.”

002: Jay-Z
The Blueprint
[Roc-A-Fella; 2001]

As Iggy Pop used to like to say, “Blah blah blah!” And # freakin’ TWO?!?!? E SAYS: “THIS AT #2 IS A SLAP IN THE FACE OF ALL THAT IS GOOD AND RIGHT.”

001: Radiohead
Kid A
[Capitol; 2000]

I am soooooooo sick and tired of hearing about this album. They did much better BEFORE and AFTER this so-called masterpiece of guitar-less (more or less) alternative ambiance. E SAYS: “HIGHLY OVERRATED. #1? HOW ABOUT #100?”