Record Review: “Acolyte” By Delphic

Delphic’s debut album Alcolyte is a faceless, tuneless wreck of an album. All image, no substance and is, of course, being hailed by the British music corps as a masterpiece. “Best album Of The Year” they proclaim.


Maybe the NME is hiring 12 year olds for their “new album reviews” section nowadays, ‘cause anyone who’s heard the likes of New Order, The Orb, Underworld, or a thousand other bands who did this type of music much better 25 years ago wouldn’t make such stupid statements. This is pre-packaged fluff at it’s very worst, folks. Breathy vocals, anonymous synthesizers and sequencers and a drum machine preprogrammed to run variations on Blue Monday and Born Slippy. Ugh, I just can’t go on with this. To paraphrase a line from Spinal Tap: “What day did God create Delphic, and couldn’t he have rested on that day, too?”

I have been burned by the British music press. Many, many times, but I’m not too proud to admit that I’m quite susceptible to record reviews. I believe it’s because one out of 100 albums they cite as “Best Album Since Revolver” are actually pretty spectacular. It’s like gambling. Go into a casino for the first time, pull the handle, win a bunch of cash, then put it all back…and then some. Always hoping you can repeat that feeling of euphoria when you hear the coins drop into the metallic tray.

So I sunk $10 more dollars into the British music machine once more and came up with zilch. “Best Odds In Town”, my ass!