Uncle E’s 12 Step Program To Musical Recovery
- I admit I am powerless over the guilty sonic delights of Queen, E.L.O., Elton John and The Alan Parsons Project—that the musical life I am currently living has become unmanageable.
- I have come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves, namely rock and roll recorded in this century, can and will restore me to sanity.
- I have made a decision to turn my will and my musical life over to the care of a Higher Power, such as The Flaming Lips, My Morning Jacket, Nick Lowe, The Super Furry Animals and The Pet Shop Boys, as we understand Them.
- I resolve to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of my iTunes library and swear to purge it of such musical folly.
- Admitted to Jeff Lynne, the ghost of Freddie Mercury and to Alan Parsons himself the exact nature of my musical wrongs.
- I am entirely ready to have modern bands remove all these defects of my musical character.
- I have humbly asked Him, front man and chief songwriter of The Flaming Lips Wayne Coyne, to remove my musical shortcomings and to remove my guilt.
- I pledge to make a list of all the persons I have harmed by playing the above rock bands, and am willing to make amends to them all by burning “mixed tapes” of bands with street cred .
- I further pledge to make direct amends to my fellow music snobs wherever and whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
- I will continue to take personal inventory of my iTunes library and selected playlists and when I err again (which I know is inevitable) I shall promptly admit it.
- I have sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with my fellow rock music snobs, as I understand them, praying only for knowledge of their will for me and the power to carry the legacy of more current bands to a higher level.
- Having had a musical spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I will try to carry this message to other afflicted rock snobs carrying similar sonic burdens, and to practive these principals in all of my daily affairs from this point forward.