Uncle E’s 12 Step Program To Musical Recovery

  1. I admit I am powerless over the guilty sonic delights of Queen, E.L.O., Elton John and The Alan Parsons Project—that the musical life I am currently living has become unmanageable.
  2. I have come to believe that a Power greater than ourselves, namely rock and roll recorded in this century, can and will restore me to sanity.
  3. I have made a decision to turn my will and my musical life over to the care of a Higher Power, such as The Flaming Lips, My Morning Jacket, Nick Lowe, The Super Furry Animals and The Pet Shop Boys,  as we understand Them.
  4. I resolve to make a searching and fearless moral inventory of my iTunes library and swear to purge it of such musical folly.
  5. Admitted to Jeff Lynne, the ghost of Freddie Mercury and to Alan Parsons himself the exact nature of my musical wrongs.
  6. I am entirely ready to have modern bands remove all these defects of my musical character.
  7. I have humbly asked Him, front man and chief songwriter of The Flaming Lips Wayne Coyne, to remove my musical shortcomings and to remove my guilt.
  8. I pledge to make a list of all the persons I have harmed by playing the above rock bands, and am willing to make amends to them all by burning “mixed tapes” of bands with street cred .
  9. I further pledge to make direct amends to my fellow music snobs wherever and whenever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
  10. I will continue to take personal inventory of my iTunes library and selected playlists and when I err again (which I know is inevitable) I shall promptly admit it.
  11. I have sought through prayer and meditation to improve my conscious contact with my fellow rock music snobs,  as I understand them, praying only for knowledge of their will for me and the power to carry the legacy of more current bands to a higher level.
  12. Having had a musical spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, I will try to carry this message to other afflicted rock snobs carrying similar sonic burdens, and to practive these principals in all of my daily affairs from this point forward.