How Can Anyone Hate Jim Croce?
Bitter cartoonist/writer/music snob/politician/friend Philbert has a “thing” for Jim Croce. By “thing” I mean that he hates his guts. Croce’s songs make him retch onto his easel. It’s almost a phobia with Phil. For some it’s fingernails dragging across a chalkboard, for me it’s people licking wood (I can’t even watch someone eating a popsicle. BLECHHH!), for Philbert it’s the song stylings of Jim Croce. Here’s an excerpt from his latest rant:
“I really can’t explain why this fairly innocuous folkie makes me want to take sharpened pencils and jab them into my ear canals and thrust repeatedly. I can’t explain it, but he does.
Is it the moustache? He looks like he should be on a pizza box, but that’s no reason to hate his music. Could it be the songs? Maybe, I can’t takes the hubris of statements like: You don’t tug on Superman’s cape/You don’t spit into the wind/You don’t pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger and you don’t mess around with Jim, da do da do…”
Yeah, eh? So in honor of Phil’s rant and the very much dead Jim Croce here’s an encore presentation of Uncle E’s 10 Fun Facts About Jim Croce…
#1. That Jim’s famous ‘fro was actually a wig? It’s true! His hair was burned off at age 6 in an unfortunate smelting accident.
#2. That his hit “I Fell In Love With A Roller Derby Queen” was originally entitled “I Fell In Love With A Whore From Dairy Queen”?
#3. That he subsisted on nothing but pine needles and guacamole for the last 6 years of his existence? It was a ‘new age’ diet recommended to him by ex-roomie Arlo Guthrie.
#4. That for the entire 30 years that he was alive he never once cut his toenails? Look closely at his concert footage and you’ll notice that he always kept his feet wrapped in velvet “Crown Royal” bags.
#5. That he once swam over 2938 km down the Mississippi River just to retrieve his Jerry Garcia balsa wood hookah?
#6. He would only wear blue jeans that contained a unique purple dye found only in a rare form of sea urchin?
#7 That he once sneaked into Ed McMahon’s house and lived undetected in his closet for a full year?
#8. That he and 6 others still hold the record to this day for “Most People To Fit Inside A Single Soap Bubble”? It’s true! Google it, if you don’t believe me!
#9. That his moustache actually housed an entire generation of trained circus fleas, which were actually a Croce heirloom passed down by his father, Hercules Croce?
#10. That before Stanley Kubrick took over, Jim Croce was considered to play Alex, the lead “droog” in A Clockwork Orange?